TrustSome1 Productions

WELCOME BACK!

2011-01-07T07:10:00.000-08:00

Well, after a few weeks hiatus, TrustSome1's blog is back and running!

Besides the (obvious) new layout (which it took me aaaaages to fix - and I have witnesses! -, but let's not go there!), we have some pretty new stuff up only waiting for you! I've expanded the horizons, so to speak, and this blog won't be limited to my works only. No, we've lots of other stuff around here now!

But firstly, a small comment: this thing on the left side of this post is (arguably) the ~~first~~ new logo for TrustSome1 Productions... BUT it's still only a test drive. Since I had nothing better in mind to put here, well... You'll have to put up with it for a while.

Since my obsessions have also grown in amount and love, TrustSome1 Productions will be also filled with other fandoms besides my classics X-Files and Lie To Me works. My intention is to feature my favourite fan works here - related to all of my favourite fandoms, and they won't be limited to the five "main" fandoms displayed on the front page, of course.

So let's see what's new:

Featured vids, that I gather from YouTube or Vidders.net, or pretty much any other vidding network;
FanFics Recs, from all the fandoms I'm involved (and not-so-involved, but a fan anyway);
ALL my vids for download! I've finally managed to put all of them here for download! But remember: the vids available for download are MY vids, and no one else's! The featured vids here are not in the list for download!
Contact form! Yay! Now you can contact me directly from the blog! Just click in "Contact"!
Twitter! Yeah, only the best of all things fandom-related. =P
New affiliates! Go check the "Affiliates" page! You won't regret - there are loads of fantastic places.

...and more is to come! ;-)

I've started out with five posts for each featured fandom, all of them called "Five Vids You Must Watch". So choose your favourite fandom and check the list! And it's always nice to remember that vidding is one form of keeping the fandom alive - be it already over (like the X-Files or Pushing Daisies), or struggling to remain alive (Lie To Me), or even far away from a come back (Sherlock). So folks, keep vidding. Vidding is like breathing, but it's more interesting than the latter, as would point out a certain Detective I know.

Feedback can be made at the shoutbox below! I really want to hear from you!

Well, that's all, folks! Enjoy! =]

X-Files | #5 Vids You Must Watch

2011-01-05T12:42:00.000-08:00

Just to make things clear, picking only five vids for any kind of fandom is very hard, because there are THOUSANDS of great vids just waiting to be seen! And when it comes to X-Files, things get even harder - this is my first fandom, and with which I'm more intimate - both with vidders and vids.

There are probably 50,000 vids I absolutely love, so picking only 5 out of this amount of greatness is almost unfair. But it has to be done, so here we go...

William's Visions
edited by XFyellowbee
Yellowbee has always a great editing, but this one stands out because it is quite what I myself was imagining for a third X-Files movie, and the transitions are lovely. Sit back and watch greatness spill out off the screen:

My Skin
edited by sweetevangeline
I love the many soft layers and glow of this vid, and besides, this music just breaks anyone's heart, especially when put together with an MSR vid. It's sweet and sad, just like Mulder and Scully's relationship.

Closer
edited by jojokersina
This is the kind of editing and song choice that rocks the world beneath your feet. Jojokersina's skills are sharp and she doesn't miss a beat on this vid! Behold:

Aria
edited by BTSReload
This is a simple, yet powerful vid. The solo piano music is absolutely splendid, and the great MSR quotes scatered throughout the vid, with all the right clips... In one word: perfection.

Joy To The World
edited by nikika8
Because X-Files brings joy to you and me! ;) SO MUCH joy! This show is not only composed by monsters and angst... It has its (many) funny moments, and this video captures it very nicely!

Lie To Me | #5 Vids You Must Watch

2011-01-05T12:39:00.000-08:00

Pushing Daisies | #5 Vids You Must Watch

2011-01-03T21:11:00.000-08:00

Just to make things clear, picking only five vids for any kind of fandom is very hard, because there are THOUSANDS of great vids just waiting to be seen! So, my criterion here is a bit different from what you might see in other selections.

Firstly, I am a die-hard Ned/Olive shipper. Secondly... I don't dislike Ned/Chuck... To me, they're just overrated. Especially Chuck. She ain't that great, sorry. Thirdly, I am a die-hard NED THE PIE MAKER fan! So, oh hell no!, there ain't no chance he won't be featured here! ;-)

Note: These vids were already hard to pick. So, there's no way in hell I'm going to make a list from #5 to #1. These vids are in no particular order here. Just enjoy them!

Let You Go
edited by AisicsRule
This is one of those rare, angsty vids on Pushing Daisies -- which is such a light show, but Olive's situation is so dramatic sometimes! Very good song choice - it fits Olive perfectly. Nice editing as well, fantastic quotes (aaand a gratitious Emerson Cod face! =D)

I'm The Man On The Flaming Pie
edited by Gurto
It's NED! Set on a great song! With all his great faces and moments! One can't ask for more in life! XD

Why'd you have to be so cute?
edited by Gaby0189
It's NED (again)! Because he's damn cute. And no one can say otherwise. The music is VERY him, and the editing is simple and beautiful! I liked the clear colouring, it gave even more light to this show.

Cell Block Tango
edited by CorzaLaura
Great use of the song! The vidder chose all the right clips to fit this amazing song! Just watch! ;)

Olive's Song
edited by hotxguysxrxus
This song is beautiful, and it fits the Ned/Olive relationship perfectly. The editing is very simple and very moving, showing all the angst to poor lil' Olive.

SPECIAL MENTION:
Pushing Daisies opening "Mission: Impossible" style
edited by BrazilianGaucho
Since I've limited my lists to VIDEOS (+1min duration), and not vidlets, this one technically did not apply to the "#5 Vids You Must Watch", but as many of you might know, I'm a big fan of opening credits... AND I couldn't let this one pass! I mean, it's PUSHING DAISIES AND MISSION IMPOSSIBLE! One can't have more fun than that! The editing is so good, the clip choices and the style... Great!

Sherlock | #5 Vids You Must Watch

2011-01-03T19:09:00.001-08:00

Just to make things clear, picking only five vids for any kind of fandom is very hard, because there are THOUSANDS of great vids just waiting to be seen! So, my criterion here is a bit different from what you might see in other selections.

Firstly, and obviously, I've focused on the aspects of Sherlock that I love more. Meaning, they're not what you're used to see. I know 99,8% of the fandom is slash, and I'm fine with it (only god knows how much I flail watching THAT scene of the pilot... ;), but being a HUGE fan of Sir Arthur Conan Doyle's written work, I've got something else in my mind regarding this fandom.

Secondly... Well, there's no secondly. Firstly is 'nuff said. =P

But seriously, my point is that people should be able to look at things in all different ways, and even though we might not like all the aspects of it, we have to be aware of it and respect it -- and, who knows, after learning something different we might enjoy it!

Note: These vids were already hard to pick. So, there's no way in hell I'm going to make a list from #5 to #1. These vids are in no particular order here. Just enjoy them!

HELL
edited by AiLupin

This is funny as hell, no one can say the opposite! It's like watching a row of many vidlets, each one showing one aspect of the BBC show.

What If The Storm Ends?
edited by SweetEvangeline

This is one of the most beautiful Sherlock/John vid I've ever seen. This so simple and yet so powerful.

Life In Technicolor
edited by madzebra101

This is the type of vid that makes me want to jump up off the chair and scream at the top of my lungs: "I LOVE SHERLOCK HOLMES!" Everything is so well edited, and the music is so moving, you can barely contain yourself!

Sherlock Has A Heart
edited by EllenRebecca3

Simple & beautiful. Sherlock isn't heartless. This vid captures this very greatly, with a beautiful song. I have nothing else to add. Just watch.

Anomie
edited by Charmax76

This is the first SHERLOCK vid I've ever watched, and one of the best. Thankfully to this I started watching this amazing show. So yes, this one, besides the great editing, has an emotional attachment to me.

SPECIAL MENTION:
Sherlock In 20 Seconds
edited by ChocolatEClairable

Since I've limited my lists to VIDEOS (+1min duration), and not vidlets, this one technically did not apply to the "#5 Vids You Must Watch", but the editing is so sharp, the beat is so good and everything in these 20 seconds screams GREATNESS, that I couldn't let it pass. So hell, let's have a special mention here!

True Blood | #5 Vids You Must Watch

2011-01-03T18:18:00.000-08:00

Just to make things clear, picking only five vids for any kind of fandom is very hard, because there are THOUSANDS of great vids just waiting to be seen! So, my criterion here is a bit different from what you might see in other selections.

Firstly, and obviously, I've focused on the characters/pairings/aspects of True Blood that I love more. Meaning: Pam, minor character's relationships (friendship, platonic or romantic, you pick whatever you want!), general sexiness & violence.

As you can see, they're mostly unusual aspects (not the violence or the sexiness, of course =P). No Sookie/Anyone, because, for starters, I hate her character. So that's me. I always go for the not-so-praised side of things. So yeah, what you'll find here is a bit different. My point, though, is that people should be able to look at things in all different ways, and even though we might not like all the aspects of it, we have to be aware of it and respect it -- and, who knows, after learning something different we might enjoy it!

Note: These vids were already hard to pick. So, there's no way in hell I'm going to make a list from #5 to #1. These vids are in no particular order here. Just enjoy them!

I Desperately Need You
edited by AAGarbman

A look at the relationship between a maker and their 'children'. Not only the editing is sharp as a blade, but the subject of the vid is quite unique. You don't find a lot of this kind of vid, with such quality and originality, laying around so easily.

Our Time
edited by Holdt

A gen vid about all the violence and sexiness on True Blood. Quite amazing, great song choice. I really like the overlay used on this one, because it shows the amount of things that happens all at once on the show.

Blah Blah Blah
edited by LuckyxSammie

I'm not into Ke$ha. BUT THIS VID. "Blah blah Vampire Emergency blah" is, to me, the most epic line on the entire True Blood series! Pam is waaay to funny to be ignored, and she has TWO great lines on this vid, which is alone a win. And besides, THE EDITING is perfect!

Jessica - Colorblind
edited by SleepyPatty

Great song choice & editing skills. The character study on Jessica is very well done. What really catches me is the "because life and death are unfair" line, basically saying everything that needs to be said.

Rude Boy
edited by KellyGirl2002

Ahem. Bill Compton + Sam Merlotte + Great Editing = Hotness. 'Nuff said.

Something wicked is on its way...

2010-12-29T10:09:00.000-08:00

Be aware...

Some major changes are coming!

Jan' 11.

TXF | Cigarettes [FanFic]

2010-06-28T09:47:00.000-07:00

CIGARETTES

by Lipsum

Spoilers: "Existence" and "Nothing Important Happened Today". It's set before 4D, but even so it has a little spoiler of it.

Rated: R for language.

Category: DRR, MSR, Angst, Reyes POV. And an unwilling DSR. T_T

Date: January 2008 / Translated in June 2010.

There were papers scattered all around, her coffee mug had been emptied about twenty times and it wasn't even 3 o'clock in the afternoon. Her temple seemed like it would pop out of her forehead. She'd kill for a cigarette on that moment.

Monica Reyes let out a tired sigh and rested her head on her hands, her elbows on the desk. It had been one week since any interesting case had fell in her hands and her partner's, Doggett, and the boredom and the cold did nothing for them. Mulder was gone, and as much as Scully didn't want to admit, his departure had left her completely devastated. Reyes had tried to make her talk about it, because from her perspective, there was nothing worse than keeping your fears to yourself. But Scully was irreducible in her silence, even though Reyes felt that ever since William's birth the other woman had opened up a little to that new found friendship.

Monica knew, however, that Scully did trust no one. Not enough to talk about Mulder anyway. After all, she had learned from the best.

The silence in the x-files basement was overwhelming, being only violated by the constant tapping of Doggett's pen on his desk, which once belonged to Fox Mulder. He too seemed lost in thought, even facing the report in front of him. His forehead was wrinkled, and Reyes knew that her partner wasn't giving a damn about the paper laid on his desk. Something deep inside Reyes' mind warned her that Doggett's thoughts, just like hers, concerned Mulder.

His departure had not only affected Scully - it had affected all of them. Doggett, more than ever, was focused on work and he had been very cranky lately. Reyes knew why. He still felt responsible for Mulder. He felt responsible for Scully's safety and her baby's. Doggett assumed that, with Mulder away, everything was his responsibility. And that left him dead tense.

Of course, the x-files in itself did nothing to cheer him up. There was not a day that passed without an argument between the two of them, was it about an already closed case, or an unsolved one - or even one that wasn't even considered an x-file yet.

Reyes shook her head, disapprovingly.

God, was she dying for a cigarette now...

"I wonder how many times Mulder must've done this very same thing you're doing right now" she gave a soft, but tired, smile. That. Small talk. Maybe it could distract her from that almost hungry desire on her.

Doggett raised his eyes from the file he was reading and faced his partner, confusion written on his face.

"I mean" Reyes kept going, finally raising her head to him. "We're 'fresh meat' here on the x-files, John. Imagine all the things that Mulder and Scully have been through on this basement before us..."

Doggett gave a faint smile that Reyes recognised as grief. She hated that smile on him, but he tried to disguise it on a mild comment: "Someone ought to do the dirty work..." he said, hoarse, on a miserable attempt to sound funny.

"John..." Reyes bit her tongue. Did she want to talk in order to forget the cigarettes? Great, thought her, but she ought to choose more carefully the subject next time.

He turned his eyes to the report he was reading. "Yeah, sometimes I think about that too. And from what I read on the x-files, it ain't little".

Reyes smiled, and she signaled the ceiling over Doggett's head, where dozen of pencils were hanging.

"Do you think this is another x-file?" with this comment, she was able to steal a grin from Doggett, which left her pleased with herself.

"Probably."

The silence hanged for one long minute, and Doggett shifted uncomfortably on his chair.

"I'm not surpried that Scully wanted to get away" Reyes took her coffee mug and looked at it. Empty. Shit. "I mean, without Mulder" she'd still gaze at the mug, sadly. What had been replacing her cigarettes was coffee. Loads of coffee.

Replace one vice to another. Brillant, Monica. Just brilliant.

Doggett raised his eyes from the file, attentive: "Last year she stayed."

"It was different" Reyes sighed, letting go of the mug. She stood up and walked towards her partner's desk. "She wanted to find him."

"But now he's gone for free will" Doggett finally seemed to realise that, and sighed. Reyes could see, printed on her partner's drooped eyelids, all the load he decided it was his mission to carry. Scully. William. The x-files. And all the problems that'd came along.

Shit, thought Reyes, it's not his responsibility only.

"Seven years working with the same person" she was impressed with her own conclusion. "It makes sense."

Doggett let go of the paperwork on his desk and stared deeply at Reyes. One of those looks. Deep. Honest. Completely aimed at her. Reyes could get lost on that world of blue of his eyes. Those looks meant more than anything he had ever said to her. Those rare looks.

He finally lowered his gaze, and Reyes blinked, taken by surprise with the sudden loss of eye contact.

Oh, Jesus. Now she'd kill for a cigarette.

"Abstinence crisis?"

Doggett's deep voice called her back to reality, and Reyes felt trapped by those blue eyes. How did he know? Was she so obvious? Reyes forced a smile and turned on her heels, walking over to her desk, but still feeling her partner's eyes drilling a hole on her back.

"You spend the whole day twisting your hands, Monica" said Doggett, answering her unasked question. "You've already drank more coffee than the coffee machine can make all day long, and you just can't stop biting your lips" she turned to him, defeated. Doggett shrugged, and finished: "Abstinence crisis."

Even though she had been caught in her private crisis, she felt good. He noticed. The tension on her hands. Her nervous lips. Jesus.

Reyes looked up to the ceiling, lost in thought. Of course, Scully shutting off, Doggett wanting to save the world and Brad Follmer watching her like a vulture weren't helping at all with her decision in quit smoking. Oh, of course. There was also Kersh. How could she forget?

Damn it, she fucking deserved a cigarette! And talking hadn't worked. And he had already noticed her situation.

So what?

Reyes let out a moan, and turned to Doggett. He was still watching her.

"You don't know how it's like" it was all she had to defend her honour, lamely. But, damn it, she was right! John Doggett did not know how it was trying to quit, and with nothing less than the world falling on her head.

"You're right" he nodded. "I never had any problems in quitting"

Reyes considered those words for a moment. What exactly did he mean by that?

"Very well" she shrugged, bending over her desk to get her purse. "Let's get over with this, then."

The woman walked towards the door, but Doggett jumped up from his chair and stumbled hurriedly towards her, blocking her way. He held her by the arm, demanding all her attention: "Hey, what do you think you're doing?"

"Going to buy a pack of Morley's" and, before Doggett's disapproving gaze, she added with a smile far from innocent: "Light. Light Morley's."

"Very funny" he was holding his ground, and pulled her back into the office. "Agent Reyes, you're not going leaving this office without me."

"Ok" it was Reyes' turn to hold him by the arm and pull him, but this time out of the office.

"Hey!" Doggett stumbled, but he didn't resist her pull. "What the hell...?"

"You're coming with me, then" said Reyes defiantly, as she walked firmly to the elevator.

"But the reports..."

"Screw the reports, Agent Doggett. I want my cigarettes."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

C I G A R E T T E S

by
Mistrust

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

They were in the middle of the street, the sky above their heads grey and threatening. A strong wind smelling of car smoke made their overcoats ripple, and Reyes would shrink as much as she could because of the cold. Doggett, by her side, would do the same. His car was parked just across the street. They were on their way to Reyes' temporary place, since Doggett insisted on going with her, but the woman hadn't give up on her cigarettes.

For two times Reyes asked him to stop the car. For two times Doggett had said that he wasn't about to let her smoke.

"This is really none of your business, John" stated her, pissed off already, after they passed the second store with a big sign that read "MORLEYS". "I deserve a cigarette."

"You deserve a blow on the head, actually" replied him, never facing her. "Why now, Monica?"

"Because I'm not made of stone, damn it!" she spoke with a serious tone. More serious than she meant. And more honest, too. "I'm tired. And I fricking need a cigarette." And, with Doggett's worried gaze, she added: "John, I'm not you! I can't face all that and stay cool, I don't work like that!... Everything is happening so fast to me; the x-files, our partnership, Dana's baby, super fucking soldiers!... God, John, I don't even have a place of my own in DC yet!"

Doggett's expression became stern, and he averted her gaze. Reyes bit her tongue. Shit, what had she said?

What she shouldn't, replied a little voice on her head. Lose her temper like that was the last thing she should do. Damned vice that left her so out of control!

Doggett was looking back at the street before him, and Reyes fell silent.

"John..."

Suddenly, he stopped the car, making Reyes be pushed forward and then get back to her initial position, startled. He signaled the other side of the street. "You're going to get your cigarettes or what?" he wouldn't look at her.

Without saying a word, she climbed out of the car, and was mildly surprised to see him doing the same.

"C'me on" he said and grabbed lightly her elbow, crossing the street rapidly as if she wasn't able to do it by herself without the risk of being knocked down by a car.

The sky was grey and there were puddles on the sidewalk, which they had to deviate in an awkward dance until the convenience store. They got in, Doggett holding the door open to Reyes.

"A pack of Morley's, please" asked Reyes to the man behind the counter, and under Doggett's look, she added: "Light Morley's."

She paid and they got out quickly.

With the oncoming night it was getting even colder, but that didn't stop Reyes from coming to a halt under a huge tree and taking her lighter from her overcoat pocket. Under the questioning look of her partner, she smiled guiltily:

"I always have it with me."

He mumbled, as she lighted her cigarette with a trembling hand.

She took a long drag after a sigh of relief, feeling the smoke fill in her respiratory system. After a few seconds holding back the sensation, she let the smoke out through her nose and mouth.

For a split second, she closed her eyes, not wanting to imagine Doggett's gaze on her. She felt guilty for smoking, yes, and his presence there only made her feel even worse. But, god, did she need to vent her tension on her cigarettes.

She took another drag, still with closed eyes, feeling the cold wind blow on her face and her partner's warm body on her left side.

When she accepted this partnership with Doggett on the x-files Reyes knew of what she was giving up. She knew that when she agreed with that, any illusions of a relationship with him that one day crossed her mind were ruined. But she accepted even then. For him. For the x-files. For this passion he nurtured regarding that job and Dana Scully.

Reyes knew.

But Doggett was asking too much of her if he thought she could go through all of this without a drag.

She positioned the cigarette on her mouth again, ready to take another drag, opening her eyes. But before Reyes could inhale the smoke, she felt Doggett's warm fingers wrap around hers on the cigarette, and he took it from her mouth.

"But what are..." she turned to him, surprised, expecting to see him throw the cigarette to the ground, but reality was far from this: with an indifferent gaze, John Doggett took a drag from her cigarette. A big one. And coughed.

Reyes was open mouthed. "John?" was the only thing that came to her mind.

"I said that I have no problems in quitting" replied him. "I'm just out of practice."

She felt her eyes widen, and faced him for a few seconds. He took another drag and this time he didn't cough.

"I had no idea, John" murmured Reyes, honestly surprised. He handed her the cigarette and she accepted it, taking another drag herself.

"The last time was before Luke's birth".

She felt her stomach lurch, and couldn't avoid the apprehensive look in his direction. That tension she got used to see on his face was back: his jaw stiffened, eyebrows pulled together and a deep line of concern was drawn on his forehead. The Luke subject was never a good sign.

"I..." she looked for words to apologise. For the cigarette. For Luke.

For anything.

For everything.

Doggett, however, shook his head, making Reyes shut up. She took a nervous drag from her cigarette. Thank god she had it with her.

"No need for words" he replied, smiling a sad smile, making Reyes feel her heart ache for him. She really wanted to hug him in that moment. Comfort him, say that everything would be alright. Even though they were words that could be proven as lies. "It's making a hell of a cold day, and you're right. It's too much for such a short time. I'm sorry."

Reyes raised an eyebrow.

"Sorry for what?"

"For getting you involved in this. For making your life such a mess" he shrugged and smiled apologetically, showing how regretful he felt. A cold wind blew, making their overcoats dance in the air.

She couldn't help but smile. She took another drag.

"John, John, John..." she shook her head, disapproving his behaviour like a understanding mother. "That was the most non-sense apology you've ever asked me. And have in mind that you have a long list of non-sense apologies!" said her playfully, getting from Doggett a soft grin.

But she grew serious. "There's nothing to be sorry about, John. I love what we're doing here. More than you can imagine. More than you can believe. I'm proud of what we're doing, John, and you, above all others, should know that by now."

Reyes raised the cigarette to her mouth once again, but it was interrupted by Doggett's hand as he took it from her once again and took a drag himself.

"Do you think he'll be back any time soon?" He didn't need to mention Mulder's name.

Reyes half-grinned. "I'm afraid that's a question I can't answer" she shrugged. "But I know one thing: take the time it takes, Dana will wait for Mulder."

Doggett let out a deep sigh. "I hope he comes back" and, looking right into his partner's eyes, added: "Agent Scully deserves him back".

Reyes suppressed a sigh of relief and averted Doggett's gaze, facing the car on the other side of the street. "Dana deserves the man she loves back."

He took a drag once again.

"Do you think we'll last that long on the x-files?" his tone was lighter, and even though she wasn't facing him, Reyes could see his smile.

"I hope not" joked her, feeling his blue gaze turn to her. She also turned to him. "I mean... God, seven years? It's far too long to wait..." Reyes gave a broad smile. She wasn't talking about work. And he clearly noticed that on her eyes.

Doggett, however, averted her gaze, letting her joke go to waste.

Her smile faded, but she wasn't exactly surprised with his reaction. Reyes moved to get her cigarette back, but Doggett was faster: he threw it on the ground and smiled at her. Reyes let out a moan.

"No more cigarettes" he looked at her. "Right?"

She just sighed, resigned.

Slowly, they walked towards the car, parked across the street.

"So, do you want help to choose a place in DC, Monica?"

"Nah, it's fine, but I'd love some help when moving in" she smiled at him, as she opened the car door and Doggett did the same on the driver's side.

"With lunch included?" he raised his eyebrows, playful.

"You bet."

"I know a welcome lunch that's gonna make you an eager costumer on M Street."

"Really?"

"Really."

END

Don't make me beg... R&R PLEASE!

…NOTE: M Street is the same street that Mulder bought his I WANT TO BELIEVE POSTER in early 1990's. I wonder what else is there to see…

HP | Requiem series [FanFic]

2010-06-27T09:22:00.000-07:00

- R E Q U I E M -

by Lipsum

- Part 1 -

If Nothing Happens

- Part 2 -

Like Tiny Little stars

- Part 3 -

Stolen Serenity

I - If Nothing Happens

Characters: Neville Longbottom / Luna Lovegood

Genre: Drama / Friendship | Word count: 507 | Rated: PG-13 | Category: One-shot.

WARNING: DH spoilers.

"Neville?"

"Yeah, Luna?"

"What if nothing happens?"

He could not answer right away. Actually, he was not sure he understood the question at all. One never knows, when they are talking with Luna "Looney" Lovegood... Her questions were always ambiguous and they usually meant more than it sounded at first. He had learned that not long ago.

They were lying side by side on the grass by the lake, staring at the grey clouds forming funny silhouettes above them. They liked to play that old game of associating those cloudy figures to something. It was fun playing it with Luna. She'd always see strange things, like warckspurts, heliopaths and whatnot.

The sun was setting, but it was up enough to give them some light and warmth. Autumn was coming, and with it, the chill in the windy days. But nor Neville or Luna cared about it. They had found out, in the strangest way, that they both liked to lay down on the grass and stare at the sky, especially in chilly, windy days like that. Because then the clouds would be even funnier to look at, changing its shapes rapidly.

Before they could understand why, they already met at least once a week to look up to the sky and its clouds. It was like a silent commitment they both had agreed.

They did not talk much at those times - except to say "oh, it looks like a thestral" or something. But some days Luna would ask questions like that, unexpected, mysterious questions, that just triggered in Neville the feeling of complete dumbness. "What if nothing happens what, Luna?"

"Everything." She looked at him, who was still looking at the sky. "The war". She would have shrugged if she was standing.

"The war is already going on, Luna", he could feel her soft gaze on him, but he did not dare to look back. He knew since early this year that, for some reason, she had laid on him all her trust. Neville had become her guide, somehow. He had become the leader of all of them, the ones left in Hogwarts, the ones that dared to fight against Voldemort if the call ever came. It was something that still frightened him, but at the same time, the more people trusted him to make the decisions, the more he felt like he could not disappoint them. "Harry, Ron and Hermione are out there already, fighting only Merlin knows what".

"And we stay here?"

"We have to protect the school, Luna. You, me, Ginny... Everybody else who is left of Dumbledore's Army".

She sighed. His answers never satisfied her completely. Maybe because it did not satisfied him as well. "Yeah, but... What if nothing happens?"

He finally looked at her, but her gaze was lost in the grey clouds again. He had missed it for a second.

Nonetheless, he understood the true meaning of the question. And it scared the shit out of him.

"I don't know, Luna. I don't know."

Finis.

LTM | De danças e distâncias [FanFic]

2010-06-27T08:37:00.000-07:00

De Danças e Distâncias

by Lipsum

Para Saliras e Dallyanne.

Fandom: Lie to Me

Lightman/Foster | Spoilers: S2E11 | Romance/Angst/Fluff | One-shot | PG

Gillian não sabia exatamente como aquilo tinha começado, e pela cara de Lightman, ele também não.

Era mais uma festa no escritório à qual ele não estava exatamente ciente – mais uma festa preparada por Emily. E não era qualquer festa – era o aniversário de Cal Lightman, O Chefe.

Então estavam todos lá. Querendo ou não.

Com música ao vivo e bebidas.

Pessoas cumprimentando-o e desejando parabéns.

Um ocasional presente embrulhado (porta-retratos, livros).

Sorrisos dirigidos a ele.

Nada menos do que o inferno na Terra para Cal Lightman.

Gillian estava sempre ali, ao lado dele, insistindo que ele deveria se divertir, que isso era para ele, que Emily havia passado semanas planejando a festa, que o mínimo que ele podia fazer era "deixar-se levar" pelo menos por um instante pela filha.

E Deus sabe como ele teve vontade de matar as duas quando os primeiros gritos de "FELIZ ANIVERSÁRIO!" estouraram enquanto ele entrava pela porta da frente do edifício, as luzes se acendiam, balões voavam, e toda aquela insanidade começava. Porque ele sabia que apenas duas pessoas nesse mundo ousariam fazê-lo passar por tal tortura.

Mas ele conteve-se. Não sabia como, mas conteve-se. Afinal, o sorriso no rosto de Emily era suficientemente persuasivo, e Gillian parecia determinada a grudar nele por toda a festa, garantindo, assim, que ele não fugiria – ou cometeria suicídio com os garfos de plástico, dadas as circunstâncias.

Ele estava encurralado.

E Gillian sabia.

Love me, tender,
Love me, sweet,
Never let me go...
You have made my life complete
And I love you so.

O que ela não sabia era como eles terminaram do jeito em que se encontravam naquele exato momento: corpos perigosamente próximos, uma de suas mãos no ombro dele, a outra sendo amparada pela dele, um braço envolvendo-a; olhando-se olho no olho, dançando ao som de nada menos que "Love me tender", do Rei.

Elvis.

Foi o primeiro pensamento racional que cruzou sua mente. Antes daquele momento derradeiro, ela não podia lembrar exatamente o que a trouxera para o meio do salão nos braços de Cal Lightman.

E ele parecia estranhamente... feliz.

Uma palavra incomum para descrever Cal Lightman.

Sob qualquer situação.

Mas lá estava ele. Feliz.

Ele inclinou-se levemente para ela, um sorriso discreto no rosto.

― Tudo bem, amor.

Isso. Havia sido ele que havia arrastado-a para o meio do salão, por algum motivo que ela não podia nem sequer começar a compreender. E ela não havia resistido. Outra coisa que parecia igualmente além de sua capacidade de compreensão.

O segundo pensamento racional que passou por sua cabeça foi ele até que dança bem.

E foi o último.

Love me tender,
Love me true,
All my dreams fulfilled.
For my darling, I love you,
And I always will.

Borboletas.

Era isso que estava na barriga de Gillian, e ela só conseguia pensar em como aquelas borboletas haviam parado lá... Será que estavam no bolo?

Lightman estava se divertindo demais.

Ela lhe lançou um meio-sorriso quando eles rodopiaram, e ele apenas continuou encarando-a, satisfeito consigo mesmo, e isso era tudo que ela conseguia ler no rosto dele.

Gillian Foster estava mesmerizada. Incrédula, aliás.

Mas cheia de borboletas em sua barriga.

Love me tender,
Love me long,
Take me to your heart.
For it's there that I belong,
And we'll never part.

Inadvertidamente, eles esbarraram num outro casal, e todos os quatro pediram desculpas, e voltaram a se afastar.

Foi apenas graças a essa quebra do encanto que Gillian conseguiu estabelecer algum tipo de pensamento racional que não envolvesse borboletas, as mãos dele ou Elvis Presley.

Ela aproveitou o breve momento de sanidade:

― Cal Lightman dançando e se divertindo numa festa? ― indagou, um sorriso no rosto, ainda incrédula. ― Será que o inferno já congelou?

Ele ergueu as sobrancelhas e falou na maior das inocências:

― O que está dizendo? Eu sou o Sr. Festa, não sou?

Ela deu uma risada sonora. ― Pelo que me lembro... hum, não.

Ele riram.

― Você disse para eu aproveitar, por Emily. ― ele a trouxe para mais perto de si. ― Então eu estou aproveitando.

Mas alguma coisa no rosto de Lightman a fez perceber que essa não era toda a verdade.

― E...? ― insistiu ela.

― E eu adoro te constranger.

Enquanto Gillian corava, ela pensava que essa não era exatamente a resposta que queria ouvir, e sua postura nos braços dele enrijeceu quase que imperceptivelmente ― quase.

― Amor? ― indagou ele, intrigado.

Alguma coisa despertou na mente de Gillian.

Seu maxilar enrijeceu.

Pela primeira vez desde que eles haviam começado a dançar, ela desviou os olhos dos dele.

― Nada ― ela olhou-o novamente, um sorriso não mais tão sincero.

― Mentirosa ― acusou ele.

― Eu acho que eu quero parar agora.

― Mas a música ainda não...

― Por favor, Cal.

― Você está falando sério?

― Sim; por favor.

Uma pausa, enquanto os olhos dela fogem dos dele.

― Certo, mas mais tarde eu...

Ela não ficou tempo suficiente para saber o que ele faria mais tarde. Assim que o contato físico foi quebrado, ela afastou-se sem olhar para trás.

Mas isso não era suficiente para quebrar outros laços que os envolviam.

Love me tender,
Love me dear,
Tell me you are mine.
I'll be yours through all the years,
'Til the end of time.

Gillian aproximou-se da outra mulher, pronta para desculpar-se pelo comportamento dele.

― O problema com Cal é que ele é...

― …Insuportável.

― Não, sim, quero dizer... às vezes. ― uma pausa, enquanto ambas observam o homem andar loucamente pelo campus. ― Deus, ele sempre foi assim?

― Sim. Na maior parte do tempo. ― outra pausa, mas dessa vez são as duas mulheres que se encaram. ― Uma observação: ele não serve para relacionamentos longos.

― Oh, não, não, não... Nós não...

― Apenas... mantenha distância. Ou você pode se tornar uma mulher muito solitária.

N/A: Se foi estranho pra você, pra mim também foi. Essa vai para Saliras, por ouvir Elvis e dançar; e para Dallyane, que pediu uma história Callian. Sei que não foi o que você esperava, mas espero que tenha gostado!

"Love me, tender" é do Elvis (óbvio), mas a versão que inspirou essa história é cantada por Fernanda Takai.

Credits on "Angels' Vigil" music video.

2010-05-04T16:10:00.000-07:00

Full credits on the editing of "Angels' Vigil" music video.

Visual material used in this music video:

U2's clip "Staring at the sun".
"The X-Files" opening credits
"The X-Files", S7E01.
"Journey to the center of the Earth" (2008)
"The Golden Compass" movie (2007)
"Bridge to Terabithia" (2007)
"Franklyn" (2008)

And that's about it.

It's all about Mea

2010-04-28T15:55:00.000-07:00

Let me introduce to you (if you don't already know her) my virtual hyperactive friend, Mea.

Mea is a very active person. She not only have a personal site of her own, with all her videos, fanfics, wallpapers and a load of great links. No, ladies and gentlemen, for the world of a personal site is not enough to our Mea. She needs to have an oncoming vidding network in her hands, that is being set to all of us vidders in constant fight with Cop E. Right.

But do you think that is going to please Mea? No! She needs more! She needs much more! She not only have a personal site AND a vidding community, she also have a network running on Webs.com!

But a personal site, a vidding community and a network on webs.com is yet not enough. She has a Wackwall and a Grou.ps Fandomland community! I dare anyone to do more than this!

So, if you are wondering, yes, I linked all her links here on TrustSome1. Feel free to click in all of them and join all her communities (specially fandomland.com).

Any time soon, more updates!

P.S.: Oh. She's also on YouTube and YouTube again! =O She's unstoppable...

New links

2010-04-27T15:36:00.000-07:00

Hey folks!

We have some new friends to celebrate today! They're Edith, with her personal/music blog, Paper Hearts (written en Español, amigos!), and Claudine, with her ongoing vidding community Doggmatic Productions (that, after the "Ning scandal", has a new place!).

So go there and enjoy! =)

NEWS: How to export Ning content

2010-04-23T08:47:00.000-07:00

That is a blessing. Check this link, guys. This will save us a lot of work, since all you need to do is fax them and require a Ning content export -- and hope it WILL happen. =P

Good luck for us all.

Ning: similar FREE platforms

2010-04-23T08:03:00.000-07:00

Since a great majority of vidders had on the Ning sites their refuge from YouTube, Cop E. Right and buggers, it is a sad new to all of us that this great platform is no longer free. I myself had a Ning community running (non-vidder, non-English, non-virtual series/x-files related), so as soon as Mr. X dropped the bomb, I went running for ~~my life~~ my community.

I thought that it would be hard to find anything like Ning on the web but -- what a surprise! There were some pretty nice sites with very similar platforms -- and free! So, I thought the least I could do was share them with you all Ning refugees.

They are not as good as Ning, I might say, but they cover most of Ning's features and they are the only alternative we have, right? Bellow you can find a full list of what I thought was worth trying

WackWall
It has almost all features Ning has, and it has a Ning export tool, which exports all of your ning members (with profile pics, your profile questions on Ning and all) to WackWall. It doesn't export your videos and photos, though, because Ning does not offer an export tool for these (and, lets be honest, it should, at least when is closing down ALL free ning sites). ...and since WackWall is on its beta version, you can only embed videos for now.

Grou.ps
It's prettier than WackWall, AND it has the Ning export tool either! It has some nice layouts, but it doesn't offer a blog feature to members (it only links to each member's personal blog). AND the max size to a video is 50MB...

SocialGo
Yet another nice alternative, with one of the easiest "manager" menu to deal with. I did not work a lot with this one, and from what I saw, ALL themes are paid, and you can only have full access on the layout manager if you pay, but you can still work on each of your network's page html.
You can only embed videos here, too.

... And that is all -- that it's worth trying, anyway. There are a lot of paid platforms like Ning, and the other free ones I stumbled upon are not even worth a second look.

As you see, they are not as good for vidders as Ning was. My hopes are on WackWall expand its beta version and allow videos larger than 50 MB than Grou.ps...

I wish you all good luck in finding alternatives! And please if you learn about any other free (and nice) place not listed here, let me know so I can add to the list.

Ophar application [The Aurora RP]

2010-04-22T11:32:00.000-07:00

And this is non-xfiles related, non-virtual series related stuff. Wow.

The first drafts of this world, Ophar, came to me for my book called "Vagamundos" (in Portuguese, of course), and with some changes and suppression of details, I was able to turn it into a world to the wonderful His Dark Materials' RP The Aurora.

Below you can find the full application:

Ophar application [The Aurora RP]

Fragmentia's New Layout

2010-03-29T17:02:00.000-07:00

The Fragmentia website is finally 100% done! No more testings, no more ugly temporary layouts -- it's here and it's ALIVE!

Just click here and take a good look at it!

Fragmentia's Cast - Definitive

2010-03-21T10:24:00.000-07:00

Listed below the final cast of Fragmentia, to be released in this fall.

MARGARITA LEVIEVA
as Catherine Parker

JOSEPH GORDON-LEVITT
as Michael Walker

JAMIE BELL
as Charlie Parker

KEIR GILCHRIST
as Donnie

CHRISTINE WILLES
as Aunt Nancy

EMILY BROWNING
as Olivia Hunt

HANS MATHESON
as Luke

HELEN MIRREN
as Granny Betty

Downloads

2010-03-17T09:22:00.000-07:00

I'm leaving a download link to my videos on the "Fan Videos List" for anyone interested in downloading them. I'll leave everything to download -- excepting the ones regarding Fragmentia and any other original project in mind. If you noticed, the videos are FAN videos, not original works. That is a whole other thing that I'm still not ready to do.

Most of my work is yet unavailable to download, but I'm working on it, and I hope to have all set before May. Let's see if I'm able to do so. =P

The fact that I have a life beyond this virtual one is at the same time thrilling and annoying. Oh, well.

Fragmentia - Latest changes

2010-03-16T10:08:00.000-07:00

It is widely known that I've been working on the Fragmentia project for almost a year now, with no news to people out of my strict circle of Fragmentia beta readers, but I have some major updates to the virtual series that must noted:

. Cast change

Major changes on the main cast.

Aunt Nancy was interpreted by Camryn Manheim, but now her new face is Christine Willes, which suits her best than any other. She was the face I was missing. Found her while watching the first season of the unique series "Dead Like Me" (for those who can't remember, she also appeared in early seasons of The X-Files as Scully's psychologist).

Luke Foy, interpreted by Sean Biggerstaff, is now Hans Matheson. Now he looks more of what I first thought of him, though Biggerstaff will probably appear in another role. I don't know which one is his most famous role, for I have been a fan of him for a long time, and I can't tell when he stands out to the ones that don't know him (yet).

Just to get this out of my chest, check out these actor's IMDB pages:
Christine Willes
Hans Matheson
Camryn Manheim
Sean Biggerstaff

. Old news

Fragmentia is to be released on this fall, with 15 episodes (1 per week) scheduled. The first 7 episodes are to be released in a row, then we go to mid season and back to new episodes.
I'm always looking for help, so if you think you can help -- say it! Beta readering, revising, video editing, blogging, webdesigning, etc.The credits will always be there.
You can also be a partner of this site or only Fragmentia's. Talk to me. ;-)

All in all, that's it.

Have a nice week!

[Project] Streetlights

2010-01-05T14:16:00.000-08:00

"They'll try to find us

But we'll hide

between the streetlights"

Read more...

COMING SOON

[Project] Overworlds

2010-01-05T13:18:00.000-08:00

OVERVIEW

Creator: L. S. Xavier
Rating: PG-13
Genre: Sci-Fi / Action / Drama / Fantasy

Read more...

Taglines: Survival at any cost / Beyond the pillars
Plot: Living in a closed and controlled society, they must learn the truth about what is beyond the pillars that sustain them above the surface of their destructed planet, saving their whole race from extinction.
Keywords: Survival / Aftermath / End of the world / Alien / Sci-fi / Destiny / Secret Societies / Secrets / Ecology

The sci-fi series Overworlds is a glimpse onto a not-so-different world of the universe that faces an extreme situation no civilization wants to. Focused on the difficulties of survival of the people in this planet, the series intends to explore the conflicts and problems that must be solved in order to sustain life of a specific species. Therefore, the principle of "survival at any cost" is in check. Is it legitimate to sacrifice other creatures and people in order to preserve one's life? Trying to not get caught-up in the typical sci-fi storyline and still preserve its main characteristics, Overworlds has a unique cast to give life to this new world.

Fragmentia - PROMOS

2009-12-29T12:54:00.000-08:00

Everything was edited using the great online editor pixlr.com!

fragmentia and virtual series

2009-08-21T08:03:00.000-07:00

It's official. I'm now addicted to virtual series. Damn. Something else to worry about... But it feels soooo good! ;-) And the worst part is that I actually am writing my own VS!

Fragmentia was an old idea for a book (written in Portuguese, of course), but I ended changing some things and twisting around with it... and I ended up with a virtual series. In ENGLISH, nonetheless!

The world conspires against me.

Read more...

Now I can't have piece of mind while I'm not done with it -- at least with the pilot episode, that is in its second version. I'm almost done.

Funny thing is, I've edited the opening credits BEFORE writing the pilot episode... And I found out that some characters got so much into me that I'd have to change the credits and order of appearance on the opening titles. Too bad my PC died on me. For good this time.

Now I'll just have to hope that I have the strenght to finish it.

I had almost given up on the idea, but thanks to a few people (especially manicmea and vicariously23), I didn't. And for that I'm glad.

Now let's see where this ends...

Fragmentia

2009-07-28T23:33:00.000-07:00

This is a solo project for a virtual series, in which I spent more time than I'd like to admit to myself.

SUMMARY: Catherine Parker (Margarita Levieva) has always seen strange things around her since she got lost in the woods at the age of 6. After a traumatic separation from her family at 10, she needed a violent therapy and medicines to overcome everything. Now, at 25 and back with part of her family in the Faram county, TX, she finds herself cured from any disturbs she might have had before.
But traumas can never be completely overcome, not when you can't remember the exact cause of it, and when Michael Walker (Joseph Gordon-Levitt), a strange x-files fan and photographer, comes to live nearby, Catherine's fears and visions mysteriously surface again. Under the excuse of visiting his aunt, Michael never seems completely honest about his arrival, and his behaviour arises distrust and suspicion, especially from Catherine's young, but brilliant, protégé, Donnie (Keir Gilchrist).

KEYWORDS: Dysfunctional family / Double identity / Ghosts / Memories / Parapsychology / Dark Arts / Amnesia / Photography / Soul / Secrets / Friendship / Paranormal investigation / Destiny / Extrasensory Perception / Secret Society

More info here.

It is (REALLY) always 1013!

2009-07-28T23:21:00.000-07:00

... And I'm not kidding. Get ready to read an x-file tale (or something very much like it).

Originally posted in July 25, 2009 on my blog at The X Filing.

***

For starts, I've always been a little skeptic about these so called meant-to-be things or clichés like "everything happens for a reason" or even "there is no such thing as coincidence". I mean, yes, I do believe in pure and simple coincidence, with no other meanings but only plain chance. People who believe in fate or destiny only interpretate events the way they want to - it's nothing but their uncounsious willing to see reality the way it is more convenient to them.

But today all my certainty vanished. And I tell you, it is pretty scary.

Today I went to the mall with my aunt (maybe the right sentence is "today I was *dragged* by my aunt to the mall"), and after gettind rid of her and her obssesion in buying shoes (I absolutely HATE buying shoes), I ran to the book store. There, the first thing that hits me are the first notes of "Yellow" by Coldplay. I immediately think of Olivia (v23) and her astounding music video set on this very song (if you didn't see it yet, what are you waiting for?).

All my vidder's block came back to me, and how much I loved that vid. So, just for a change, I start thinking about the X-Files. Until then, nothing unsual.

So I began looking for a map of the city I'm on right now (I'm on vacation, and I hate not knowing where I am and what is around me) and to my frustration, I quickly found it. The problem was that I didn't want to go back shoe-hunting with my aunt, so I decided to hang around for a while in the book store. Then, I took a look at my watch: 10:13. And Coldplay stops playing. Right on that second.

This is when things start getting... well, spooky.

As I am very good in denial, I just ignored it - after all, coincidences happens all the time, and they are just that: coincidences.

Right in front of me, as if begging for attetion, stands a huge pile of books, and they are all in promotion - very, very VERY low prices. And I simply cannot resist books. I just can't. It is beyong me. So there I go, digging for something good. The funny thing is, the first book I looked over was the one I bought in the end - it didn't matter how many other books I looked.

So I bought it, met with my aunt and finally confessed to her I did NOT want to buy the whole damn mall, and we could just sit down and drink something very very hot (today was the coldest winter day here. Hate it).

So there I was, sitting in a café in front of the book store, drinking chocognac (I don't know how much famous this drink is, but is basically hot chocolate and cognac). What does one do in this situation? They open a book! And that's what I do. And just by chance, I opened the book in "PART 2 - AMSTERDAN" (or whatever you people write the name of this city in English). And there I see a quotation that automatically draws my attention. I'll quoquote (?) it:

"Mulder, the truth is out there... but so are lies".

This is the part where I drop dead and my aunt has to call an ambulace.

Nah, not THAT much, but I certainly attracted the whole cafeteria's attetion when I screamed out.

Yes, ladies and gentleman, Martyn Bedford IS a phile! I didn't even know the guy, but I already like him.

The book is called "The Houdini girl" (may I point out that last night I watched "Death defying acts" T__T), and it is lying right here, side by side with my mom's laptop, just waiting to be eaten by me.

When I got home I just realised something else that definetely shook my belief in "just-coincidence": today is IWTB Anniversary!

I'll just go dig a few of books dealing with the occult that my mom keeps at home.

Bye everyone and... TRUST NO ONE (NOR ANYTHING!)! IT IS ALWAYS TENTHIRTEEN!

The X Fun

2009-07-28T23:19:00.000-07:00

Just to amuse myself (and hopefully everyone else).
For about four months or so I've been saving in my PC lots and lots of funny pics/cards/cartoons related to The X-Files. Some of them cheered my most depressing day, and some of them made me embarrass myself in public (when I was in a cyber café or in the college's library). But who the hell cares?
So today I bring to you just a small part of my private amuse-me-x-files collection. Just some of them because, after all, I'm not even at home - the ones I'm posting here I had on my pen drive.
I could also include here things such as "Mulder
& Scully" by Catatonia or "David Duchovny why won't you love me" by Whatshername Sharp, but I'll just stick to pics, just to keep my focus. We all know the amount of funny vids out there, so I won't go there.
I hope you enjoy this humble gallery and that this cheer you up a little. It's been a good therapy for me. I bet it'll be for you too.
Foot note: Some of them are not directly related to The X-Files, BUT you'll get their correlation. Some of them I forgot the source. If you know, please tell me.
xxxxxxx
Original version (I translated from Portuguese):

Phile version (my twisted phile mind working here):

*LOL* Poor Mulder...

Source: kylie-kawaii.livejournal.com
I *love* these e-cards:

Source: someecards.com
This one is for Bones fans:

Source: can't remember... =/
Call Mulder!

Source: www.astrofiammante.net/blog
Rock fans here we come:

Source: no idea
This one is for... han... CSM... lovers?

Source: good question o_o
No commets.

Source: just keep askin', man. just keep asking >__<
Gotta love their faces:

And to finish with style:

Okay, that's enough - but not all!
Hope you have enjoyed! =]

DON'T LEAVE HOME: The making of a music video

2009-07-28T23:15:00.000-07:00

Originally posted in May 21, 2009 on my blog at The X Filing

Find more videos like this on The X Filing

WARNING: This can be a long, difficult and disturbing trip into a vidder's mind in her darkest hour. And I really meant LONG.

***

I'm not the type of vidder who likes to talk about the work behind a vid. It’s not a matter of “I-wont-reveal-my-techniques” thing, but just a matter of “I-don’t-know-my-own-technique” thing. I mean, of course I know the basics of it (at least regarding Sony Vegas 7.0 and Ulead) but I don’t really *know* it. I’m always clicking on big red buttons to know what will happen – and thankfully the “undo” button exist! But I’m definitely always finding new things on Sony Vegas (which is the software I’m using), especially when I have a difficult video as ‘Don’t leave home’.

Regarding the video plot/purpose/whatever, I try to be as clear as possible on the video itself, because I think that's the whole point of it. I don’t like to write that kind of long, narrative comments like other vidders do (no offence intended here, it’s just me). Maybe that's the reason why I like so much opening credits and promos - can you be CLEARER than that?

But the point is: I don't usually talk about _my_ vids specifically. I can talk about vidding in general, but not specifically. But this time I *need* to talk. After *four* months of interruptions, broken computers, identity crisis, lack of XF clips and whatnot, I HAVE to talk. And trust me, I *WILL* talk. A lot.

As this blog post is named "making of" I should talk about all that stuff everyone talks about on a making of. I could tell you how the idea came to me, and then proceed talking about the day-by-day of making this vid, including the special effects I used on it. I could even talk about how my crashed computer contributed to it, or how I overcome weariness, bad quality episodes, college exams and moral defeat to finish this one.

Sure I could talk about all of that. And I will, at least about some of it. But I'm afraid I'll wear you out with my whining about colouring effects. And the lack of XF clips, as always. And the little watermark on the top right corner. Oh, and the which-plot-should-I-follow dilemma. Did I mention colouring effects?

Honestly, I think I've never spend so much time in only one video, and that happened not because I love the song or because this is a special video to me - nossir, it's just because I got COMPLETELY obsessed in getting the right colouring on the XF clips to fit Dido's.

But let’s start from the first problem, which is The Plot.

You see, I’ve never worked with a music video clip like that before. I’d only get the song and make my vid based on what the lyrics said. But now it was different. I had to put together XF clips and the original video clip. And at first I was kind of lost. I didn’t know whether I should follow the lyrics and make the XF part looks ‘outside’ the travelling Dido (???) or if I should follow her leading through highways, dark forests, abyss and beaches… As you see, I chose the latter. And I’ll never know if things would’ve been easier if I had chosen the other option.

So here we go. I started making the video based on that plotline – Dido following Moose and Squirrel, and then Moose and Squirrel tracking her down.

And then I stumbled (again) on the fact that I didn't have many XF episodes. I'm slowly (and illegally) recovering my XF library, but that ain't easy for a poor girl like me, and, well, I have my life to live. Actually, this not-having-enough-XF-clips was the main reason I began making this video. I thought to myself: "well, if I don't have all the episodes I want – and need – it's better if I work on something where I can use some other material". And the music videoclip thing came to me. I thought if I didn't have the clip I needed to a specific part, I'd just throw in there the original clip of the music video.

I've never been so wrong in my whole life. (Kids, jump the next paragraph. Bad word ahead)

I'm telling you, make all this XF stuff fit with Dido's videoclip was HELL. More than hell, it was C.G.B. FUCKING SPENDER COMING BACK TO LIFE TO BE MY ROOMATE! Or Diana Fowley kissing Fox Mulder. Or Agent Doggett not being on XF3. Or Frohike in his underwear. Pick your worst nightmare and make it real.

Anyway. The fact is that exactly because the music video has very specific clips (road / forest / abyss / FRIGGIN’ BEACH!) it became tremendously difficult to find XF clips to fit there. That is the part where you start banging your head repeatedly on the keyboard asking "WHY ME?! WHY ME?!" (Let’s take a trip down memory lane and watch just the ending credits of my “The Lights are probably nothing” video).

Ah, but I was wrong (AGAIN) about this being my worst nightmare. No, sir. I can overcome lack of clips. I can make them *look like* they belong there, or at the very least count on the imagination and good will of fellow vidders and viewers to accept that little discrepancy on the vid (let’s just pretend, just for a few minutes, that the pueblos of the Anasazi Indians is located on a beach, ok? XD).

As I was saying, I’d find out that my worst nightmare wasn’t related to the XF clips. It was related to Dido’s. I mean, I go through *HELL* to find XF clips that fit, and in the middle of the way I realise they’ll NEVER really fit if they are so DIFFERENT from Dido’s grey-green-blue dreamy mood. And that is the part where you go to your bedroom and tries to drown yourself on the fish tank.

No such luck.

I got *so* pissed off that I decided to finish it anyway, no matter what. I’ve always been a little freaked out about colour pattern in all my videos, but this one takes the cake. I don’t think I have ever made an XF video without using the color corrector tool or color curves. I personally think that keeping a pattern throughout your video is the best way to establish the mood of it. Right?

So. That decision made me spend one whole month fishing out clips that could remotely make sense – and changing them hundreds of times –, working like crazy on getting the right colouring to the XF clips – which makes you go insane with a difference of 0,022 on the amount of green – and praying to god that I wouldn’t hate Dido after this (I’d have dreams of stalking her and then jumping on her and screaming “HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME??? HOW???”). I particularly used the B&W effect to smoothen down the original colour of the XF clips, but I couldn’t just apply it to the whole layer, because, among other things, Dido’s clips had to be on the same layer because of the transition effects. So there goes that magic button that you click and applies one effect to the whole thing…

And let me just add here that my computer is prehistoric. And it is veeeeery slow. Not anyone has the patience I have to edit a video on it.

Anyway, after innumerable tests, I finally discover the right colouring/glow/black&whiteness to each part and… My computer dies on me. I repeat: it *DIES* on *ME*. Do you understand how TRAGIC this can be to the evolving of a vid? I do. First hand experience here.

You know, it wears me out only writing about it. Remembering all that late hours in front of the computer, changing tiny numbers that would made the whole difference, wondering where the hell would I get a damn clip of Scully on the beach (trust me, Biogenesis/Sixth Extinction don’t have all that material, unless you want her at NIGHT on a beach holding a VERY LARGE knife)… Having nightmares about vidding. A big computer screen floating in front of your eyes, the Sony Vegas 7.0 mocking of you, running away from you with your unfinished work on it…

Anyway, after TWO months or so, my PC is FINALLY back. And I dove right in again. Honestly, I think if my computer didn’t have crashed, I’d have given up on that video. I was fed up with it. It was beyond reason, it was becoming a true obsession… A paradoxical obsession, by the way, because I was getting to a point where I’d only think about that vid, but at the same time I couldn’t bring myself to listen to that song anymore. Crazy, hun?

And then, about four days ago, after changing (AGAIN) 1/3 of the original vid, I had finished. With everything. XF clips. Colouring. Transitions. Layers. Done. Zip. Nothing else for me to do.

Release. Or at least that’s what I thought.

But I was wrong ONCE MORE… And I was getting tired of being wrong all the time. I think that’s pretty much the feeling Scully must’ve felt after two or three years with Mulder.

Just before I rendered it I realised the little logo mark problem on the top right corner. I mean, of course throughout the making of the video I noticed it. I even added my own logo to it at least to show it wasn’t the original music video. What I didn’t realise at first was the inconstancy of it. I mean, on the XF clips it wasn’t there, on Dido’s clips it was there. It gets visually annoying that thing popping in and out of screen all the time, so I had to add it to every single XF clip and make it look like a constant mark, and that is not easy, especially on the transitions. Another little hell, but I was able to survive to it – I think after everything that happened I got kind of immune.

And so here it is, the final product of a two-month work (with a forced vacation of another two months).

Enjoy (or not. And if that’s the case, trust me, this time – only this time - it won’t mean that much for me. I’m just too happy to have finished it). Honestly, I don’t think it came out that good. I’ve been partially defeated by fatigue. It could have been better.

But don’t get me wrong, I’ve learned a LOT with this video. But, you know, now I’m tired of learning a lot. I just want to make a silly video, just to give my mind a break.

END NOTE: If you’ve read this far, consider yourself hand-shaked, bear-hugged and smack-kissed in both cheeks by me. *sniffs* Thanks!

TXF | Hold [FanFic]

2009-07-28T23:14:00.000-07:00

“HOLD”

by Lipsum

Missing scene from “Kitsunegari” (5x08).

Summary: The drive to Mulder’s apartment after he almost shot Scully.

UST / Angst / Oneshot / R-ish

Mulder was still quiet when the police and the paramedics arrived. He was still in a daze, stuck in the moment when “Scully” shot herself, and he was there to see. He remembered crouching over her and gasping for air – he didn’t even have the strength to cry at the moment.

After all the turmoil, Scully stood next to him all the time, but he wouldn’t speak, and she was afraid that if she touched him he would finally lose the self-control he was trying so hard to maintain. But his unfocused hazel eyes told her that inside, Mulder was breaking apart nonetheless.

She didn’t know exactly what he saw; just that he thought she was dead. She knew the feeling pretty well, and she wasn’t happy in admitting it. The sinking feeling of grief, of impotence when facing the death of a beloved one.

“Mulder…” her voice was just a soft whisper next to his shoulder.

“Yes?”

“You need to go home and rest”.

“Okay”.

But he didn’t move. Scully sighed. She knew he was in no condition of driving, but she didn’t realised until then that he could be a lot worse than she had originally thought.

“Come on, I’ll drive you home”, she said, pulling gently at his jacket sleeve, signaling that he had to follow her. He followed without arguing. Scully saw A.D. Skinner amidst cops and other FBI agents, and saw him moving to approach them but she shook her head discreetly in Mulder’s direction, and the assistant director realised that he should give his agents at least one night of rest before demanding reports.

Fortunately for Mulder, her car was parked away from the crowd of cops, and he sat in the passenger seat while Scully turned the key in the ignition and started the car. His silence was killing her, but she didn’t dare pushing the matter, afraid it would make things worse.

The streets were damp and empty, leaving her some kind of peace of mind, following that well known path to his apartment building. She could turn off the reality and immerse herself in her own private turmoil of thoughts.

Their job usually presented itself in the most disturbing ways possible, and both of them had already seen the horrors of it, and they both had learned how to not be disturbed by it. However, no matter how much of the horrible things in this world you could see, nothing ever prepares you to something like your partner’s death. She didn’t know what he had seen there, and seeing his reaction to it, she was even more afraid to ask. What had happened? Did Linda Bowman shot her? Did her blood spill in Mulder’s face? Did she cry out his name while dying and he could do nothing for her? What had he seen?

And their previous argument… The last time they had spoken was to argue over the case, and instead of ending the fight with the typical “we agreed to disagree” mood, it had ended badly. He just walked away the hall, away from his distrusting partner in that moment, away from the only person he believed would stand by his side no matter what. But she didn’t. This time, she didn’t trust his instincts, his almost-always-right instincts, she turned her back to him and dared to truly disagree, without even giving him the benefit of the doubt.

In his eyes, she had died and that had been their last conversation. Ever.

Oh, god, what he must have felt!

And after all that, after the false loss, he pointed a gun at her. Not for the first time, that’s for sure, but the same feeling of fear always take over her in this situations. And this time, she was more than conscious that he didn’t see Dana Scully, his partner, but Linda Bowman, the woman who had just killed his partner.

She remembers shuddering when his piercing hazel eyes focused on her. His gun pointed at her, his arm steady. In his eyes, she only saw blood, and it scared her – he had never looked at her that way. She was shaking from head to toe while talking to him, and she just couldn’t hold the gun firmly. She tried to open his eyes to the real situation there – she was Scully, not Linda Bowman. She was alive. She knew him. She loved him.

But he wouldn’t listen to her appeals, and that… that was what scared her the most. “He’ll shoot me” she kept thinking, but deep inside what she feared the most was not being killed by Mulder (he was being controlled by an outsider force) but that after it, Mulder would drown in guilt, and most likely end up locked in a cushioned room, or kill himself before that.

Their future together… She almost let a laugh escape her with this silly thought, but the truth was, she did think about their future. As uncertain as it was, their future together would be over. It didn’t matter to her what they would face, happiness or sorrow, because for as long as she was with him, she could carry on despite of everything else. But if Linda Bowman didn’t step two inches from behind Mulder, it was all over.
He would have shot her.

Although she knew this for certain, she couldn’t carry a single drop of remorse towards her partner – whether because he didn’t listen to her at the time or whether because he was pointing a gun at her. The truth was, he was being manipulated by that bitch, he wasn’t responsible for his actions. She was very much aware of that, as much as she was that *Mulder* himself wasn’t. He would still blame himself after all, and it didn’t matter what she said, it wouldn’t erase the guilt that Fox Guilt Obsessed Mulder felt.

She sighed heavily this time, but it didn’t evoke any response from Mulder.

During her musings, she was only barely aware of Mulder’s stillness by her side. He didn’t honestly look bad, she thought, it was as if he was just sleepy and really tired from the day. But she knew him better than that, and knew that he would repeat the scene in the warehouse over and over again in his head, god only knows for how long.

She wanted to reach for his hand, give him some kind of comfort, but his spiritual distance materialised itself between them, and it was as if he was miles away from her, and all that Scully could do was watch him walk even far away. A thick wall of glass separated them, and the only thing she could reach with her hand was the cold surface of it.

Even though tempted to stop the car in the middle of the street and shook Mulder to see if she would get any response, she kept her grip in the steering wheel, and kept driving to his place. It wasn’t far away now, soon he would leave the car and her presence, and would be completely alone with his guilt.

She sighed again, sadly, her eyes on the road.

Mulder could have remained still all the time, but he was very much aware of each breathe Scully would take. She was there. She was real. She was very much alive, his Scully. Though she didn’t know, for more time than he would admit he thought of her as “his Scully”.

And he saw his Scully shoot herself to death. And he couldn’t do a thing about it. He felt as if he had been hit in the gut and couldn’t breathe. She had shot herself. *She had shot herself.* She was there, lying on the concrete floor, bleeding the blood of an already dead person, her long lashes closed over her eyes. It was as if she was sleeping. The only thing that accused that she wouldn’t open her eyes anymore was that discreet hole hidden by her hair.

He couldn’t breathe at the time. He couldn’t even cry, for god’s sake!

She was gone for good that time. He had finally lost her. Mulder had elaborated this theory about life a while ago, that said that Fate would only take from you what you can carry on without or make you stronger to keep living, so the possibility of Scully dying was, in fact, an impossibility, once he couldn’t carry on without her. Not only the X-Files, which would most likely become meaningless for him, but his life in every single aspect.

He just couldn’t do anything else without her. When she was abducted, he realised it. Only the hope of finding her alive that kept him sane that time. But now…

Mulder actually felt physical pain. He thought for one second that he would just die there, that he would bend over her and fall dead just from the pain of losing her.

But then, he heard footsteps. High heels clinging in the concrete floor. It had to be her. Linda Bowman. The bitch.

Suddenly the blinding pain was gone, and he felt engorged by anger. He would kill her. He would fucking kill her. He didn’t care about FBI rules or else, he would just drill a hole in her head. Better, he would drill *many* holes in her entire body. She would pay.

He stood there, saw her approach him. He told her he was going to kill her. And then… Then she said she was Scully. And Scully was there, lying on the floor, dead. He didn’t want to listen to a word she had to say, he just wanted to kill her, and he wanted to be sure he was killing the right person. He wouldn’t admit that she created any doubts in his mind. It was her. Scully was dead, and he was going to kill the responsible one…

If she hadn’t shot the woman behind him, he would have killed her. His Scully. He would have shot. He was determined to. Mulder wouldn’t think twice that time… He played her game.

At that moment, when he saw the real Linda Bowman lying on the floor, and a very much alive Scully at his side, he still wanted to kill. But this time, himself. He had pointed a gun at her. He pointed a gun at a breathing, very much alive, Dana Scully. He was going to kill his Scully.

In the end, he played Linda Bowman’s game like an ingenuous kid. She had him, she made him shoot his partner. Yes, because he would have shot, so in his mind’s eye, he had already done it. He shot his Scully.
If Scully wasn’t fast, she would be dead by now. And it would be all his fault.

But instead, here she was, driving her killer home, worrying about him, giving him sideway glances, frowning her beautiful face because of him.

He wanted to cry, to scream, to break something in a thousand pieces. He didn’t know exactly what he was feeling, but he knew that if she said one single word, he would break – although he also didn’t know what his break would be like. He was fighting one of the hardest battles inside his being at that moment to keep a straight face and act normal.

But above all that, he wanted to hold her. He wanted to feel her warm, soft skin against his, he wanted to hear her breathing close to his ear, and feel her heartbeat with the palm of his hand. He wanted to be sure she was real, that she was really alive.

He had always felt the urge to touch her, just lightly, just to be sure she was there, with him, but now the urge was almost overwhelming. It was the hardest battles of all inside him now. Do not touch her. Do not touch her. He kept repeating this like a mantra. She didn’t really like to be touched, he knew that. She was a very reserved person, and if she let him touch her as often as he did it was out of respect of this mania of his. Of course, he knew she loved him, but that wasn’t enough for Dana Scully let people go caressing her face or hand whenever they wanted. No, she needed to keep her distance, her professionalism. And as much as she respected his need to touch her hand or face once in a while, he respected the distance she wanted to keep.
You shall not touch her.

God, he was sounding like a priest talking about the forbidden fruit.

And before he could come back to reality, she was parked in front of his apartment building, staring at him… Waiting for him to get out of the car?

“Thanks” he didn’t dare to look at her, so he looked through his own window while opening the door.

“Mulder”

Her tone of voice made him turn to her with urgency. It was her “I’m fine” voice that meant “I’m not fine”.
“What is it?” he asked, just barely aware that his need to hold her was growing.

She smiled that discreet smile of hers, and replied: “I should be the one asking this question, Mulder. After what you saw…” she trailed off, and he gulped. “I mean… do you need anything?” Actually what she meant to say was ‘don’t blame yourself for what never happened, you were being manipulated and I don’t blame you in any way’, but it came out like that odd question. Pathetic.

He looked to his lap. He gulped, opened his mouth two or three times as if he was about to speak, then finally he said “Actually… yes”, still not looking at her.

Scully’s mind was racing with the possibilities. He would ask her to never talk about that again. He would ask her for her forgiveness. He would ask her to leave the X-Files. He would ask her to stay overnight. He would ask her to make love to her.

She slapped herself mentally. Now where *that* came from?

“So…?” she pushed him, once he still seemed quite hesitant.

“Can I…” He cleared his throat “Would you…” he wouldn’t dare finish the sentence.

“Mulder” she said, firmly. “Just say it”

“Can I…” and finally, he raised his gaze to her face “… hold you? Just… a while?” seeing her look of astonishment, he amended: “I promise I won’t be long.”

Now *that* was something she wasn’t expecting, and she fought the urge to let her jaw drop. Hold her? He wanted to *hold* *her*?

She didn’t know what shocked her more: the fact that he actually *wanted* to hold her or the fact that he felt the need to *ask* her to hold her. When did they become so cold that he didn’t felt he had the right to hold her whenever he wanted or needed?

Scully just notice her tears when Mulder said “I’m sorry”, looking straight to her eyes.

“No” she shook her head firmly, closing her eyes and fighting the tears back “Don’t be, Mulder. I…” she had too much to say, so she only said “Of course you can”.

She saw tears forming in his eyes too, but just like her, he fought them back.

“Okay” Mulder thought he was being ridiculous, he thought she would just hold his hand and tell him to go home to bed, but she didn’t. She just said “of course you can”. ‘Of course’, as if it was obvious that he could hold her whenever he wanted. But he couldn’t… Could he?

That was such an odd conversation, Scully thought, unbuckling her seatbelt while he did the same. Can I hold you? Yes, you can. Okay, so how shall we proceed?

She almost giggled.

And she almost let her jaw drop again when she realised that she was *nervous* about it. But how could it be? It was just a hug, for god’s sake. A hug from the man she most trusted in this whole world. Why would she be nervous? Why would she feel like she was ready to get into bed with him? It was just a damn hug! They had held each other hundreds of times during these years… They had held each other just a few hundreds of times these past five years, when they should have held each other thousands if not millions of times and… Anyway, he also had never actually *asked* to hold her before. He truly felt the need to hold her, it was a comfort to him hold her… And just thinking about it made her feel warm.

Damn, was she blushing?

Anyway, why was he still there, not moving?

“Mulder?” She raised *the* eyebrow, questioning. Had he given up the idea?

“Oh, Scully” and before she could understand what had happened, she was straddling him in his seat, while he buried his face in her shoulder and held her so tight against him that she could barely breathe. But it just felt natural to embrace him as well, and bury her nose in his neck, welcoming his smell in her nostrils.

Who needed to breathe, anyway?

His big hands roamed over her back, making her shiver. Damn, why was she wearing so many layers of clothes?

He inhaled deeply her smell. She was alive. She was there, warm and breathing and moving and shivering under his fingertips. She was real, his Scully was there with him, letting him bury his face in her shoulder, letting him hold her so close to him, but even then it wasn’t enough.

Mulder let his head rest in her shoulder of a while, then turned it to the right and slip down, hearing her accelerated heartbeat while she clutched his hair, forcing his head to her chest.

She was so much alive… He couldn’t stop to be amazed by it. She was warmer than he thought she would be, and she moved and held him more strongly than he expected. It was just when she released his head and took hold of his hands, slipping them beneath her blouse, that he realised how much she, too, wanted to be hold. She was giving him permission to fully touch her, skin to skin, a sensation they so rarely allowed themselves to feel.

He let his hands rest on her lower back, where he so usually touched her, but with layers and layers of clothes. Was it only his impression or was her light hairs staying on end? He allowed his hands to go up her spine, and she definitely shivered.

Oh man.

He brought his hands to her stomach, feeling her muscles go tight, and he massaged her abdomen. So warm… So soft… So alive…

He wanted to kiss her. Fuck, he had always wanted to kiss her. He could let his hands go just a little up north and see what happens… No. He was getting out of his mind. That’s the reason why he never really held her that close. It was too damn dangerous, for both of them. And tonight he had almost shot his warm and soft Scully, that was straddling him and letting him hold her and touch her and smell her…

Scully was so lost in the sensation of being so close to Mulder that she didn’t realised how embarrassing her position and movements were before Mulder pushed her away from his groin, making her straddle his thighs.
Oh, right, she thought. Self-control. Professionalism. Partners. Right. Damn.

But he still had his big and warm hands holding her underneath her blouse, making the situation quite unfair for her…

“Scully…”

“What?” Was that her voice? *Her* voice? Hoarse like friggin’ sex? He didn’t even kiss her!

“Thank you”

She smiled. A sad smile.

That was it for them. He slipped his hands from under her blouse, apparently ashamed. They had already crossed too many lines for one night, but never the one both of them wanted to. Too much of a cowards, they were. Scully knew that he wouldn’t mention this moment anymore, not even in private, so she took her chance in this so rare opportunity to be honest about their feelings.

“Anytime, partner” when his eyes sparkled, her smile lighted. “You don’t even need to ask, okay?”

He smiled back. “Okay”.

“I’ll be always here for you, Mulder, you should know that by now”

“I do…” he lowered his gaze. “I’m sorry… I played her game, didn’t I?”

She was quiet for a moment. “But you’ve won, Mulder, and you were right all along. I should be the one apologising here, not you. I was the one that didn’t listen to you, I was the one who made a mistake”. She wanted to lift the guilt from his shoulders, she wanted to let him know that if someone was guilty there that person was she.

He shook his head as she thought he would. “No, Scully” he was firm. “You didn’t almost shot me. I did. I almost killed you, Scully. If you hadn’t shot I would…”

She shushed him with one fingertip lightly touching his lips.

“Please, Mulder. Don’t do this to yourself”.

He didn’t answer, instead, he moved uncomfortably in the seat, and just then she remembered she was still straddling his thighs, and he was most likely getting numb from her weight. Awkwardly, she got to the driver’s seat and rearranged her jacket and blouse. Jesus, it was like she was a teenager making out in the car, though a teenager would probably get what she wanted.

Mulder opened the door and gave her one last sad smile before getting out of the car.

He hadn’t listened to her. He still felt guilty about trying to shoot her, even though he had thought she was already dead. The next morning, when they would meet Skinner, he would have the same guilt in his eyes. He would never let her convince him of the contrary.

Scully knew that he would never forgive himself for what he had almost done. She herself wouldn’t forget the anger in his eyes when he pointed the gun at her.

But it didn’t matter how many more sorrows they would have to face, they both knew, now more than ever, that they would always have someone to hold them when they needed, and they would face their uncertain future, where only one thing was certain: they would be together to hold each other. Always.
“Anytime, partner”, she said to herself, while starting the car and driving to her own place.

A/N: I just re-watched the episode and wanted to practice my English. It’s been a while since I last read any book (or fanfic =P) in English, and I just need to make sure that I practice once in a while. I’m waiting for my copy of “World without end” arrives. =P
I’ve always felt like Mulder should hold Scully after the events in “Kitsunegari”. God knows I’d touch the person I loved (even if it was a platonic love) just to make sure he was alive. And jeez, this fic got longer than I’d originally planned…
Hints of humour in the middle of this fic because I just can’t help myself. That’s why I suck with angst. I’m just too much of a clown to write them.

______

“You do me a favour, Scully? You give *me* a call when you think I’ve come to my senses, alright?”

- Mulder, on episode "Kitsunegari"

TXF | One star night [FanFic]

2009-07-28T20:37:00.000-07:00

"ONE STAR NIGHT"

by Lipsum

Post-ep for "The Truth".

Summary: It was a one-star night: between clouds and a full moon, only one star shone.

MSR / Angst / PG-13

A/N: I'm not a native English speaker, so you might find some linguistic mistakes. Just be kind, ok?

“Scully?” his voice came out as low whisper, still a little hoarse from sleep.

“Humm?” she could barely open her eyes, and Mulder wasn’t sure she actually heard him.

“Did you look at the sky tonight?”

“Humm” yes, she wasn’t listening to a word he said.

“The sky, Dana” he tried once more, rising from the bed and making Scully shiver at the loss of body contact.

“Mulder?” she finally awoke, eyes red and a bit groggy, but the fear that sparkled inside them made Mulder’s heart ache. The same fear he saw in her eyes when they spent the first of many nights in hiding. The fear of being caught. The fear of a guilty woman. Except she wasn’t guilty of anything but believe.

“Look at the sky, Dana. It’s beautiful”. Scully couldn’t follow his track of thoughts. What was he talking about? They were in the middle of nowhere, hiding from everything and everybody, months without contact with Skinner or Doggett… And that probably was the first night they spent together without having to run away at the first beam of sunlight.

She opened her mouth to protest, to ask what the hell was he talking about, but she closed it when she saw Mulder’s gaze. He was serious. Scully finally rose from the bed, mimicking Mulder’s position, sitting completely naked, forgetting about the sheets tangled at their feet. The temperature was warm, and the silhouette of Mulder’s naked body being lighted by moonlight was just astonishing, and Scully found herself gazing at him like she had never seen his naked body before. In that specific night, with that odd gleam of the moon, he looked just… adorable. He was staring out at the window, probably enjoying the view of the night sky, wrapped up in his own world, unaware of Scully’s fascination.

The window was straight in front of the bed, in the opposite wall of the room. The lack of curtains made it impossible to hide the view of the world outside, but there wasn’t too much to hide in that particular part of the world: just a bunch of cows and an occasional cactus growing from that dry land.

“Look at the night sky, Scully” Mulder said, finally looking at her.

Scully forced herself to break eye contact. She would never get tired of those hazel eyes of his, but feeling him so close and so open to her made her feel safe. He wouldn’t disappear. He wouldn’t leave her. When she turned her eyes to her side again, he would still be there.

Through the window, Scully could see the deserted land fade in the horizon, where it would meet the dark night sky, with not a single star to bright it. There was full moon, which would explain the lack of starlight, but looking up at it, Scully was surprised to see one single star, shiny and shameless stealing the moon’s spectacle. “Wow” was all she could say.

“When was the last time you looked at the night sky?” Mulder asked it without looking at her, but Scully’s head turned to face him, intrigued. “I mean, when was the last time you really looked at the sky, not thinking about fear, aliens or ghost? When was the last time you looked at it just for simple pleasure?”

Scully stared back at the window, and sighed. She found herself unable to answer his questions. “I don’t know, Mulder. Why?”

“It’s just…” he sighed, staring at his own feet on the far end of the bed. “We spend so much time worrying about the future, hiding, running, fearing to look up and see them taking over this planet… And we just forget that there’s still a sky above us, unaware of their presence or ours. It’s just there… being. And we forget that there’s still some beauty in this world”.

Scully placed a hand on Mulder’s thigh, and squeezed it gently. “Oh, Mulder”.

“I’m so sorry that you had to leave all behind because of…”

“No” she interrupted him. “Don’t even start with me, Mulder, I had enough of it.” He sighed and leaned over Scully, his breath warm against her neck. “Let’s just enjoy the view, like you said, Mulder, just for a change”. She stroked his hair when his head came to rest on her shoulder.

Mulder closed his eyes. “Can we do that? Can we stare at the night sky knowing what we know? Will we be able to look at it with such innocence, once we know the truth?”

“The truth can’t destroy the beauty in this world”.

“But it can destroy innocence, Scully”.

She didn’t replied at that.

Looking at that inconvenient star shining just above the full moon, Scully finally understood what Mulder meant with that talk.

She couldn’t do it.

She couldn’t look at the sky without worrying about the future. She just couldn’t forget all she knew, and what once was synonymous of beauty and peace of spirit, now was synonymous of fear and threat. That poor lonely star was like premonition of death inside Scully’s head.

She felt like crying, but didn’t shed a tear.

~finis

TXF | Nine Crimes [FanFic]

2009-07-14T12:09:00.000-07:00

“NINE CRIMES”

by Lipsum

RATING: R for disturbing images and a bad word (blink and you’ll miss it!)
SPOILERS: None
CATEGORY: V, A, AU, M/S UST
TIMELINE: Season 2?
SYNOPSIS: You don’t remember me.
NOTES: It’s an alternate universe. I know, I know, not your favourite, but neither is mine. Don’t panic, though: Mulder and Scully are not married, they’re still with the FBI, and Scully is... Well, I don’t want to give anything away, so read it!
WARNING: I am not a native English speaker, so be kind with me, ok? It's my second fanfic.
DISCLAIMERS: Mulder and Scully were created by Chris Carter and owned by TenThirteen Productions and Twentieth Century Fox. No copyright infringement is intended and no profits are made out of this story, it’s just for fun.
The song belongs to Damien Rice, and I highly recommend you to listen to it before reading, to get in the mood of the story.

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“Is a small crime

And I got no excuse.

Is that alright?

Give my gun away when it’s loaded

Is that alright, yeah

If you don’t shoot it

how am I supposed to hold it?

Is that alright, yeah

Give my gun away when it’s loaded

Is that alright, is that alright with you?

No...”

'9 CRIMES' – DAMIEN RICE

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NINE CRIMES

I've lost everything I had, and you say it's alright. I've lost my memories, my loves, my virtues and my vices. I can't tell you who I am anymore - or who I used to be. It's the wrong moment to ask me what is going on with me - the only thing I can say is "if I only knew". You look at me like you didn't know me at all. Well, maybe you don't, I can't tell who you are, or what you meant for me. Is that a crime? The only crime is to make me forget who I am. People are made of memories - if you take this away, there's not much left.

The emptiness I feel is replaced by sorrow, and you still look at me like I am crazy. Take this look from your face - I hate it. Will you give me my gun and let me finish their job? Without my memories, I'm already dead. There's only flesh and bone here, nothing else, I say, and you don't believe me. You tell me you only want to help me. But how can you help me if you don't want to believe me?

“Please, give me my gun” I didn’t remember that my voice would sound so hoarse from crying.

“No” you say, firmly, and I hate that your voice has such an effect on me.

“Please! Give it to me” I say, not looking at you in the eye. I can’t do it. A voice deep inside me says that if I do, I will surrender myself to you, and I have no right to do so. I can’t remember anything about you anymore. What right do I have to feel like I do about you?

“No! Look at me” I’m crying again. And I hate that you’re the reason why and I can’t remember anything about you. About us.

I don’t answer, and grabbing my chin you force me to look into your eyes. And then you see what I didn’t want you to see.

I don’t remember you.

“You don't remember me” it’s not a question. And the hurt in your eyes makes my heart ache. “You don't remember me”. Please, don’t say it again.

I push you away. “I... I remember the day we met”. No, I wasn’t supposed to say this.

“Do you?” Is that hope in your eyes?

“That day I thought I had to know you before I could forget you”. I’ll tell you the truth, just for a change. They’ve already told you so many lies that being honest with you is the only thing I can do for you right now.

“What do you mean?” Maybe you don’t want to know the truth. And even if you do, maybe you won’t want to believe it.

But I can’t help myself, and I continue to talk to you. “I knew I would forget you”. My small confession.

“Why? How?”

I look into your eyes. I could almost smile at your confusion. You just have no idea what’s happened around you. “They wouldn't let me... care for you...” I meant ‘love you’.

Your eyes darkened, but now I’ve got no excuse for lying to you anymore. Soon, everything will be gone, just like what’s left of me in this world.

“Scully...” I almost shiver when you say my name. My name? Is that my true name? How will I ever know now? “It's alright... You don't know what you're talking. You're confused...” You take a step closer, and I take a step back.

“No. Mulder. Listen to me” I try hard not to stammer. “Everything was a lie. I was a lie. I... I'm sorry.”

Pathetic. I am so fucking pathetic.

You shake your head. You think I’m confused, Mulder? You should look at yourself in the mirror.

“Shhh. It's alrigh...” Now you put your hands on my shoulders, and I almost sob. I can’t remember your touch.

“I work for the men you hate so much, Mulder” my face is damp with tears and you look at me with such love... But I don’t care. It’ll be over soon. “I work for the men who took your sister from you!” I shout at you. I want to hurt you. I want you to hate me. I want me to hate you. “Is that alright?” I ask, sarcastically.

You don’t answer me. You just look at me. “That's what I thought. Now give me my gun.”

You don’t say anything. Please, stop looking at me, Mulder. I hate when people see me crying. “Mulder! My gun!” Now I’m yelling.

“Why do you remember all of this and can't remember who I am and all that we've been through, Scully? Why?” Your eyes have the saddest shade of green. You’re begging. Fox Mulder is begging.

Please, stop it. I can’t take this anymore. But I promised to myself that I would be honest with you and I intend to do so.

“Because... They took this away from me, Mulder. These specifics memories. And the only reason why I'm crying...” I sob. I’ve lost the little I had of self-control.

“What? What is it, Scully?” You don’t break eye contact, and I force myself to look at you with the same intensity that you look at me.

“The only reason why I’m crying, Mulder” I repeat, taking a deep breath. Truth, I tell myself. Tell him the truth. “Is that I now found out that they can erase my brain, but not my heart.”

I close my eyes. I can’t look at you anymore. God, if only I could remember. Did we have sex? Did we ever kiss? Did I ever tell you what I am feeling right now?

“Scully...” Are you crying, Mulder? I can’t tell, everything is a blur for me now. I just want my gun.

“And it hurts so much to not remember why you make me feel this way, Mulder... It hurts so much...” I’m sobbing compulsively now. I can’t help it. I’m giving myself to you, my soul and my heart – did I ever give myself this way to you before? I couldn’t tell.

You want to hold me. You want to pull me closer and hug me until we both stop crying. But I won’t let you do so. I don’t deserve your comfort. I forgot you.

“I lied to you, Mulder, all this time” what did I tell him? What did I really tell him that was true? “Don’t you see? You trusted the wrong person.”

“So why did they have to erase your memory?” You won’t give up on me, and if you weren’t holding my shoulders, I would probably end up on the floor now. I’m not easy on my knees anymore.

“Because...” I know why, but do you want to know?

“Why, Scully?” you insist, looking at me straight in the eye again. I look away.

“Because at some point... I probably lied to them to protect you.” Because I probably fell in love with you.

“What happens now?” you’re stepping close again, but I don’t make any effort to push you away this time. I’m so tired...

“Now you give me my gun”

“Scully”

“Please”

“Don’t do this”

“Don’t make me do this”

You’re silent for a moment, and for these brief seconds, I believe you’re finally going to give me my gun. But then your hands hold both of my arms and you shake me, like I am sleeping and you want to wake me up.

You’re losing it; I can see it in your eyes. You’re getting desperate.

“Scully! Just listen to yourself!” you yell, still shaking me. I don’t move, though. “You’re not being yourself!... I... I trusted the right person, Scully. I’ve never had any doubts about this. And your lack of memory is the strongest proof of that.” You’re almost sobbing, and now you just hold me very close. “Don’t you see? They’ve brainwashed you, that’s the only logical explanation! They just didn’t erase your memories; they put other ones in your mind, Scully! You couldn’t have been working with them!... You couldn’t...” You give up to your tears, and I want to wipe them away. I stand still, though.

How I would like to believe you, Mulder. Maybe I’ve never wanted to believe you as badly as I do now – I can’t tell, I don’t remember. What have we been through in the past to years to made me love you so much it hurts?

“Mulder...” When did my voice become that low? “That’s probably the only piece of truth you will ever have; why are you denying it?”

You’re still crying. Please, stop crying. I hate to see this.

“It can’t be, Scully...” you sob, finally holding back the tears. “I can’t accept that. I... I don’t want to believe that”.

Now it’s my turn to give up to my own tears, once more. Why does it hurt so much? Why do I feel like I’ve betrayed you twice? Why do I love you? Why they weren’t able to erase my love for you as well?

I don’t want to argue anymore. My gun seemed to be the safest and easiest way out, but now that you’re hugging me so desperately, like you’re holding for dear life, I realise that I couldn’t leave you like this.

“Mulder...” my voice is nothing but a whisper.

“Shhh, Scully” you say, holding me tighter, if that’s possible. “Don’t talk. I don’t wanna talk about this anymore. It’s alright now. It’s alright with you... We don’t need to talk about it...” Oh, god. It’s almost a crime to ask me not to talk about it.

I bury my face in your chest, crying compulsively now, my defenses are all gone. It’s not alright with me, Mulder. It’ll never be.

It's odd when someone ask you not to talk about something. Someone who, by the way, is the only person who you would like to talk about that something. The person that you trust enough to talk about it. And then, you restrain yourself. Because if you can't talk with this person, who would you talk with?

But it hurts to keep all of this inside me. It brings up distorted thoughts, which I would like not to think of. Which I would like to give away. I look for comfort in anything. I look for things I can occupy myself with, because this way it doesn't come to me. The paranoia. The guilt. But never the memories. They’re all gone, and you just don’t want to believe me. I’m starting this relationship over again, but with the assurance that it will never be what once was.

Maybe the paranoia has never left me after all. It's still here, assailing me when I least expect. The problems that I create, that I can’t remember, still hurt me. Sometimes, it's necessary to give some space to this thoughts and feelings, although it seems to be forbidden. So I never speak aloud what I think, because I know it’s going to hurt you. I can't talk about that with you anymore - I'm exhausted and it destroys me ever so slowly. And you just don’t want to accept the truth about me. It destroys both of us. So, I pretend I do not feel it. I pretend I do not know it and that I'm not afraid.

Until it's alright, although I know it will never be. Not for us. Not alright anymore.

FINIS

So? Liked it? Hated it? You know what to do!

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I wrote this little piece of angst in a slight different style, as you could see, so let me know if you liked it or not.

And as you may have noticed if you listened the music from which I borrowed the title, the lyrics doesn’t really fit here, but it’s a beautiful song anyway and I listened to it while writing the fanfic.

I wanted to kill Scully at the end, but I figured that people would kill me if I did so. And there’s still the fact that dying is, as Scully said, the easiest way out. There’s no real angst if you die in the end and can’t be haunted by your ghosts, being a ghost yourself, so to speak.

Thanks for reading it!
mistrust from outer space!

Lorena S. F. Xavier

2009-07-14T11:36:00.000-07:00

Name: L. S. F. Xavier
A.K.A.: Mistrust, Miss Trust, Agent Raposa, Whatshername.
Nationality: Brazilian.
Contact: trust_no_more[at]hotmail.com ; lorenafosla[at]gmail.com
MSN: trust_no_more[at]hotmail.com

She thinks everybody has a good story to tell, you just have to give them the right oportunity. Loves books -- the actual thing, paper and ink, not only the words. She wants to work as a book restorer, but she also wants to be a detective, writer, fire-fighter and screenwriter, so she's having a hard time now. Likes black humor, childish jokes and fairy tales.

She believes mistrust is the key.

Oh, and she hates MSN, but friends forced her to have it.

FIND ME:
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